You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
