im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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