I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
zippers are such a cool invention
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
