ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
