i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
