i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
