I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
well, you know. whores of a feather.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
