You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
