Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
