just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
