Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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