I'm going to jail i love you
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
