WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize