Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
