ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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