My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
