So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
