Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize