I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
