Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
