My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
