I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
