Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
