I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
