If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
