the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
