Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
