i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
