No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
