i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
