I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just high enough for therapy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
