Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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