I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize