She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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