It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
