If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
