i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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