just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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