I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize