I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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