I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
