Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
