I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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