just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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