I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
