We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
