I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize