By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
