All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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