Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
