If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
