Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
