I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
