my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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