i would punch a child for taco bell
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
