I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
