Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize