So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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