Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
