I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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