I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
