just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
