apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
tell me about the fingering
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
